Gender shapes bodies — bodies don’t create gender

Last weekend I stopped by the MSP Comic Con. It was fun! But wow, the boobs and the chests. So much of the commercial comic art is about hyper-unrealistic body types. I know, this has been the case for ages. And this is not a blog post about the evils of comic art. I love comic art and comics. But most of us are much better at realizing that superpowers are rarely literally real than we are at realizing superboobs are also rarely real. Also they're not actually how I prefer my people to look. Not even my superheroes. I think that's true for a lot of us.  Gender is a way we categorize bodies. Parts of gender may arise from physicality, but it's not located there. We get to do gender the way we want and shape our bodies (or not) as we choose to evoke different perceptions of gender. Your body is yours, you get so say what it means, what its parts are called and how you're going to live in the world. But sometimes it can be VERY hard to remember this when we're in places that have two gender templates and most of the representation is being stamped out

Continue Reading

Nico & Tucker Launch Day!

I really wanted to post a video of me reading chapters 1 & 2 for launch day, but I woke up with some kind of funky virus. I am just not going to look as happy on video as I'd like. So bear with me and I'll update later this week with the live reading. In the mean time, have you read the awesome interview on Huffington Post? If you have, I'd love to know your thoughts about other ways to describe/communicate nonbinary genders, especially to people who are well inside the binary. Also my editor and Lesbian Literary All-Star Katherine V. Forrest said wonderful things on Facebook (reprinted here with her permission) about how people need more literature from the second half of the LGBTQIA+ acronym. I do have some copies available to donate to libraries and queer & trans centers, so please comment to me here, on FB or Twitter if you know of a place that could use some Nico & Tucker. Katherine wrote: Many of you know I’ve worked as an editor as well as a writer for the past three decades. I’ve edited many of our finest writers, including a couple of our great ones—Jane Rule, Isabel Miller. I’ve

Continue Reading

Macalester Lavender Graduation 2017 Speech

Yesterday I had the privilege of being invited to speak at Macalester College's 2017 Lavender Graduation ceremony. Yes, my alma mater is so cool that they have a graduation just for the LGBTQIA+ students — and there are so many graduating queer and trans students that they had to curl all the way around the stage. There were more students standing up in that graduation ceremony than there were in the entire queer and trans student group when I was at Mac. It was an emotional and beautiful ceremony with a lot of great speakers. But I don't have the text of what they said, so here's what I said to the LGBTQIA+ graduating class of 2017: Thank you, it's a delight to get to speak to you. Just so you know, when I chose to come to Mac in 1989, it was because the queer and trans student group was bigger than the football team. I'm glad to see Mac has carried on that proud tradition. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m the author of four queer & trans young adult novels. Including Being Emily, the first YA novel to tell the story of a trans girl from her

Continue Reading

Help me pick an author photo

With the launch of Nico & Tucker happening mid-May, I decided it was time for a haircut and author photos that more accurately represent me. You can see my current photo on the home page of this site or the about page. It's a really good photo! And it rocks my super-Jewish hair. But it also makes me look very "woman." I still plan to use that one any time I need to infiltrate a bastion of conservativeness. But now I get to rock a new photo! I enlisted the very expert help of Anna Min from Min Enterprises Photography. Her event photography has included a lot of high profile local queer and trans events, so I figured we'd easily be on the same page about the  photo I was looking for. We had a fun time trying different locations in her building. From that set of photos there are three that would work well as author photos. I'm looking for the photo that combines nonbinary and lesbian, gamer and reader, thoughtful and silly. Please feel free to let me know which you think would be my awesomest author photo in the comments below or via Facebook or Twitter. Photo #1 is the one

Continue Reading

How to build resilience in trans kids (and everyone else)

With all the focus on awful government news these days, it’s easy to forget how much power we have as individuals—and as a thriving community of queer and trans people and our allies. Let’s not get locked in to planning for the next 4 years. Let’s also look at the next 40 and the next 400. We need queer and trans kids to grow up resilient and become powerful adults. We know this is possible because we have powerful queer and trans adults who grew up when U.S. culture was worse than it is now for queer and trans kids. Remember the 1980s? Or the 1950s? Each of us has the opportunity to help build resilience in each other and in the next generation of queer and trans kids. Let’s look at how we do this: According to a great Harvard article, the common factors that “predispose children to positive outcomes in the face of significant adversity” are: facilitating supportive adult-child relationships; building a sense of self-efficacy and perceived control; providing opportunities to strengthen adaptive skills and self-regulatory capacities; and mobilizing sources of faith, hope, and cultural traditions. Here are action steps each of us can take to make those factors widely available to our

Continue Reading

2017 Year of Love

[Pictured above Amirah Sackett (left) and Rachel Gold at the Caravan of Love march in Minneapolis, Feb. 11, 2017.] I’ve had some restless nights since the current regime was elected. Woke up panicky, wondering if they’d come for me. But I realized it wasn’t me they’d come for this time. Queer, white Jews in American—not the top of the hate list at the moment. We're more in the middle. I started making lists of my friends, ranking them by the most vulnerable, so I’d know who to keep tabs on. That was November. Now I’m making lists of who to pay attention to so I know when to show up and be part of the beautiful coalitions that are forming. I’m making lists of where I can make the biggest difference. I’m getting really excited for the next two-to-four years. It’s not going to be easy or comfortable, but we have one of the best opportunities in recent history to build immense coalitions across the U.S. and change the future for good. Yesterday I attended two wonderful events that illustrated this: Reclaim’s annual “Celebrate the Love” brunch and “MN Caravan of Love: A Walk of Love for Immigrants & Refugees.” So much love! Reclaim’s mission

Continue Reading

Finding the ideal nonbinary pronoun for fiction

I’ve been working on the Just Girls sequel and playing with some science fiction, so I’m obsessing about nonbinary pronouns. In the Just Girls sequel, I’m using the pronoun “yo” for Nico. (Or, rather, Nico’s using that pronoun for yoself, but when I say that my characters talk to me, people give me odd looks.) But I wanted to try some additional pronouns in case I like something better. “They/them” pronouns in the singular is becoming more and more popular in spoken use, but it’s tougher in fiction. For example in this dialogue: “Their new jacket looks great! Did they make it themself? “It’s from their parents. They gave it to them for their birthday.” I find that last sentence very frustrating. I’m a big fan of “they/them” applied to individuals, but I’m an even bigger fan of clarity and ease of reading. In my experience, “they/them” works much better in spoken use than in fiction. I was hoping to get around it by using Spivak or Elverson pronouns, which are the “they/them” set without the “th”: ey/em/eir/eirs/emself. These pronouns are not as easy to write with as I want them to be. It’s possible this is because I’m spoiled by the ease of yo/yos. Let

Continue Reading

Non-binary biology

 "I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means.” — Joan Didion At the Solcana event for Reclaim on Nov. 5, we were talking about how writing helps us understand ourselves. For me, writing My Year Zero helped me articulate feelings about my gender. In the novel, the main character, Lauren, is writing a science fiction story online with friends. Her character in the story turns out not to be human-like person, but rather a self-aware community of microscopic robots (nanites) that can take any form. That’s how I feel about my gender — and I thought that was unusual, but maybe not so much. More and more, modern science is demonstrating that if there exist ideal “male” and “female” sexes, they’re blended in nearly all people. Consider …. The human body is made up of around 30 trillion cells and about 40 trillion bacteria living mainly in the digestive tract. For details: http://news.nationalgeographic.com/2016/01/160111-microbiome-estimate-count-ratio-human-health-science/ Of those 30 trillion cells in the human body, it’s possibly (maybe even likely) that there are variations in the DNA that we’d consider to be different sexes. Most simply, people can carry both XX and XY DNA in their

Continue Reading

Taking care of yourself in tough times — a guide for the neurodiverse

You might not need this post, but I do. It started as a note to myself about what works. Some of it might also work for you. And I’m sure I missed some things. Feel free to add in the comments. If you’re like me, you’re different from a lot of the people around you: You might have more trouble letting go of obsessive negative thoughts You might get easily triggered into traumatic states You might be prone to spirals of anxiety or depression that are really hard to stop You might feel that you’re the one responsible for fixing the world You might absorb feelings and energy from the people around you, even if it makes you sick One great thing is that you know this about yourself. Also there are a lot of simple steps you can take to be strong and healthy. Here's my list: Disconnect from stressful inputs Turn. It. Off. Whether your stressful input of choice is TV news, Internet news, Twitter, you can turn it off. Turn off notifications. Turn off integrations (like Facebook chat linking to your phone’s texting). Do not let disturbing information catch you off guard. You can look at it when you’re well and ready and feeling powerful. You can

Continue Reading

The importance of being out

Last night at the pre-National Coming Out Day event at the Roseville Barnes & Noble, we talked about whether coming out is still important. The consensus: absolutely. We need to see people like us having good lives so we know what’s possible. And since humans have a strong need for belonging, the ability to be around people who share our identities can be profoundly healing and supportive of our growth. I came out as lesbian when I was 14-16 (it was a process). At the time culturally there was a lot less support than there is today and I spent immense energy fighting for this identity. I was talking to a friend recently about how, if we have multiple identities, one can really come to the front and take all the negativity and all our energy. That’s been true for me with my lesbian identity. I’m still super out and proud about it, but in honor of the day, here’s what else I’m out about: My gender is non-binary/gender fluid. Yes, I can be non-binary and lesbian for a variety of reasons including: I often choose to stay in the girl/woman gender space in public to expand the ideas of what’s possible for

Continue Reading